Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Insert Swearing Here

I'm still trying to finish the lab report for the lab we did 2 weeks ago. Its due tomorrow because we didn't have lab last week and the professor gave us more time. Not that its helping me at all.

In the middle of the lab, I was having trouble with my calculator, which I hate. I didn't understand how to make it display the correlation coefficient for my data. So, in keeping with the idea that the professor is paid to be there to teach, I asked for help. In return I got ranted at in front of the whole class for not knowing how to use my calculator "by the ## week of class." This was a value that we had never been asked to find before, it was supposed to be displayed on a screen that never showed it before, and after searching through my manual later I couldn't find a single reference to it. But hey, I'm just the idiot wasting her time and my money.

So I finished taking data and gave up on analysis for the day...week...until this Monday. I did search my manual for help, but eventually broke down and took manual and calculator to her office to beg again for help. I was fairly sure I had finally found the right screen, but it was a long list of variables with no definitions anywhere. I was shaking, on the verge of a panic attack waiting outside her office while she answered other people's questions. It took so long I gave up and as I walked out I passed the person who tutors me in Calculus. "Hey, do you know which of these is corr. coef?" "Yeah, R-squared." Well damn, wasn't that so much easier than flying off the handle?

Unfortunately, I didn't sit down to work on it again until tonight, still afraid of a damn lab, and I found that I needed more help than just that. Plus, I found that I didn't take a measurement I need. Wouldn't help anyway, since I don't know how I need to use it. There's no way to get it now, of course. Its due tomorrow by 2pm, but I just can't bring myself to ask for help after getting an extra week to work on it and being yelled at and made to feel so small already. Why give her another chance? So I'm going to do the second-worst thing and turn in an unfinished lab report. ALL of my previous labs have been near-perfect, its been the only thing I've had going for me in this class and now its shit.

I feel so worthless and stupid right now. I feel like giving up on everything.

Sunday, November 25, 2007


Scene: late morning, lying semi-asleep in bed
Me: Ugh! What was that?
MJ: What was what?
Me: Some sort of beeping noise, like a phone or something.
MJ: I didn't hear anything. My phone's on vibrate.
Me: Mine's in the other room. There was a beep.
MJ: Its okay, we all have crazy moments.
Me: Yeah, its just that yours are all strung together.
MJ: I guess so.
MJ: Hey!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

I am nothing, if not persistent (and a little spiteful)

Dear Suddenlink Cable

First, you should know that having both suddenlink.com and suddenlink.net is confusing for your customers. So is still having cox.com or cox.net online, but i understand that maybe that still exists in some places.

I needed customer support today because I couldn't remember our login info:

Ok, so I went here http://suddenlink.com/support/ and clicked on Contact us at the bottom of the page, which led me to http://suddenlink.com/contactus.do
Which lead me here: http://suddenlink.com/zipCode.do
Which led me to a page offering services. Not exactly a contact form...
Oh, there's another button that says Contact Us... it links me to http://suddenlink.com/cable.do
Which led me to another page offering services, but no contact info.
It looks like a dead end, but then clicking the Contact Us at the bottom of the page all the sudden, now links* me to an actual page with phone numbers: http://www.suddenlink.com/contactus.do

I called, the system took some info, and a person answered.
Then they put me on hold.
5 minutes later**, someone else answered, there was confusion and nobody knows what happened to the first person who put me on hold.
Wow. I have to say that isn't exactly my idea of good customer service.

Luckily, the person that picked up that second time was very helpful. I just want you to know that your "Customer Service" needs some un-cluttering.

So that's what I sent them.
*Pun Totally Intended
**Yes, I know that's not alot, I'll give them credit for that.

After finding the phone number, things went relatively smoothly. I had to put in Hubby's cell phone number.I was answered, then put on hold, and forgotten. Someone else picked up, confusion briefly ensued. I gave him Hubby's last 4 and our address. He gave me our logon name (that i would never have guessed), and let me tell him a new password. It worked, holy shit.

Then he set us up with the Variety Pack, so for $3/mo we now get:

100 Discovery Kids
101 The Science Channel
102 Discovery Home Channel
103 Discovery Times Channel
105 The Military Channel
106 Discovery Health Channel
107 Noggin
212 Jewelry Television
213 Mun 2
214 WE: Women's Entertainment
215 Gospel Music Channel
216 ShopNBC
217 Si TV
218 Fine Living
219 Do-it-Yourself
221 Game Show Network
222 Toon Disney
223 Fuse
224 BET J
225 Boomerang
226 SoapNet
227 Inspirational Life
228 Oxygen
229 Hallmark Channel
230 BBC America !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
231 EWTN
232 Great American Country
233 Nick Toons
234 Nick Games & Sports
235 MTV Hits
236 VH-1 Classic Rock
237 CMT Pure Country
239 National Geographic

Friday, November 23, 2007

Random Links

Here I am watching the BSG Razor videos, but the damn things aren't buffering and its pissing me off. Funny, the ads at the beginning aren't jumpy, and of course the video quality is ass. Good Grief, this thing is 4 minutes long, with 2 full minutes of credits. There's an ad at the beginning, and then the credits on the end, and then a promo for the upcoming real episode on the end. The actual clip must only be a minute long. I just spent half an hour trying to watch 7 clips like that, 7 damn minutes. They did the same thing last season, and the clips were of even more crappy quality. I know they're a big-budget show, but you wouldn't know it from these videos.

So anyway, I moved on to finding some gadget to help me find (or maybe not lose) my keys. A few months back, I bought a cute box for Michael to put his wallet and keys and random pocket items in. It is now a bottomless pit of receipts, and the general clutter has overflowed to the counter again. I'm considering one for myself, but first I'm going to investigate my options.

I found the KeyRinger, which is of a fair price and the two tags find each other, no remote. Then there's the pricey option: The Loc8tor. Need I say more? I found a low-tech, low cost solution at The Container Store. Its a khaki doorknob hanger with pockets and a clip for keys. I'm not sure if my wallet is skinny enough for it, but it would keep the Paper-Pile Monster from growing within. I turned to Amazon.com and found two things similar to the Loc8tor, but less expensive and complicated. They are, um, at the top of myMy Amazon.com Wish List

Of course I suppose its time to tell you all about the hours I spent holiday decorating. Yeah. It seems there are so many holidays during this chilly season to keep people from killing each other, and look what christmas has done, turned into a holiday that makes people want to kill each other, while giving them an excuse to hold hammers. Its just a horrible loop. I started hanging my little snowflake strand, but the nails i was using were too short for me to hammer into the wall, so they kept falling to the floor. At nail #4, i threw down the hammer and declared "The Season" was over, because it ends the moment it begins to annoy me. Anyway, I ended up hanging Michael's stocking (mine is packed somewhere) and sitting out the green sparkle teddy bear and the little stuffed snowman on either side of the tv, and the rest of the shit stayed in the holiday gift bag it was being stored in, now "decorating" the spot between the TV and fireplace.

Thats the end of my holiday decorating.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Oh Sick!

Steve, Don't Eat It!
I've only made it to reading the Urkel-O's ... and Michael thinks I'm too adventurous about trying new foods...

Ok, I finished reading, and I admit that there was one entry that exceeded my ICK limit, and I quickly scrolled past it, bravely hoping the following entries wouldn't be that bad. I leave you to guess which one.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


So I got my physics exam back yesterday, 42%. Outch.
The test was WAY TOO LONG, AGAIN so that everyone had at least two questions they didn't have time to start, I actually had 4 I couldn't start, but on two of them I wrote bullshit down anyway and I'm sure others were the same way. So she gave us 8 points (equivalent of 1 problem). Then I went over my test with her and we found 7 whole points that she graded me wrong on. Yay, 57%. Man this sucks.

We finished The Hobbit today. I'm annoyed with myself because I completely missed the quiz question, which is mostly because I only skimmed the reading on Saturday, because I was "studying calculus" all weekend. Yeah, that's it. Oh, and I also went to see Beowulf, which you will like best if you haven't read the poem recently.

Then I had a calculus exam this morning, which I did not study enough for (yes, despite having the whole weekend). I feel pretty good about it though, mostly because I HAD TIME TO FINISH THE WHOLE THING and go back to catch little errors. Holy Crap, the concept! There's only one that I'm flat out sure I did wrong, and I'm guessing that I managed an 80%.

And then I missed my appointment for a haircut, and I need one badly. Where do I go?? NO MORE MASTERCUTS!

Thanks to the nice lady at Hair Designers on Johnson St for staying at work a few minutes late and giving me a great haircut.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Flip Flop

This marriage has flip-flopped more than political candidates this month. First I wanted a divorce and he’s all right with it. Then I didn’t want a divorce and he still did but was willing to spend time together but apart and see how it goes. Then I really wanted to stay together and he said no way. So I gave him all the space in the world and made strides in accepting my miserable little apartment as “home.” Now he’s all lonely and wants to stay married.

Lesson: If you want someone to miss you, be not there for awhile. Duh.

I have to say that right now we both are agreeing to maintain a Marriage of Convenience, and go to counseling to work on having a Real Marriage. Let’s define: A Real Marriage as one where both partners share similar goals, make each other generally happy, and work toward their future together, while a Convenient Marriage is one where we are unsure of our future together, are benefited financially, and don’t hate each other’s rotten stinking guts.

We are still doing Thanksgiving apart, we both already made plans. I’m going to give notice at my apartment tomorrow after class. And I was joking about the “we don’t hate each other’s rotten stinking guts”, we do actually care about each other, which is what has made this whole thing so complicated.

What makes it less complicated is the fact that all my neighbors are about as considerate as one could possibly be, if one were born without certain parts of the brain which regulate empathy for others. It is nearly midnight, you dear, devout, and hearing impaired man.

I'd say more, but my grasp on this internet connection is tenuous, at best.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Fixing Things Up

When I moved to my own apartment, I was excited to be able to put my own touch on things, do things my own way without asking "Is this okay?" Then I started getting lonely, full of reget, angry at myself for "destroying" the life I had built during marriage. I didn't get a lot of things that I needed to make my apartment comfortable. Things like sheets for my bed, laundry detergent, trash can, soap dispensers, a vacuum. (You might not think of soap pumps as a necessity, but try using those huge bottles of hand and dish soap and you'll understand.)

Its been a roller-coaster, but that part has passed, and I'm looking forward again. I did some shopping after yesterday's Physics test (lets not discuss), got those things plus 3 long sleeved shirts and a fluffy mattress pad. I haven't seen my un-husband since Sunday. I'm planning to have Thanksgiving dinner with Sarah and Scott. I have an appointment at a good stylist to get my hair trimmed. I've picked up a Residency Questionnaire, so hopefully I can afford school.

So yeah, fixing my life back up, the way I need and want it to be. No more tying my happiness to a mate, because you can't trust that person to give a shit.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


Things I lost this week:

Homework points.
THE Point.
The will to Love.

But of all the things I lost, I miss my thumb drive the most, and Time is the one thing I can never get back.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Probably not the answer they're looking for...

Last week's lab was an "out of class exploration." In other words: I will feel intimidated by the lab and put off doing the work until the day before the next lab. Oh yeah, that's today. I can't for the life of me figure out what is expected of me, I hate out of class work.

Forks on a toothpick, find center of mass: I am way to clumsy to actually do this.

Find your center of mass: I'm guessing somewhere near my big fat ass.

Fuck Shit Damn I don't need this kill to my confidence right now.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

In Draft

I'm working on a post about my insecurities and fears, but I got all un-motivated in the middle of it. I realize now that I have quite a few posts in draft...

I need to go put Rigel to bed. Enjoy this song.

When you're on top

by The Wallflowers.

I need a bed
That nobodys slept in
I need some air
Nobodys been breathing
I need a thought
That I can believe in
Is this fog
Or is the building really burning

I need you
Much more than ever
I'm making new friends
But none of them matter
Maybe now
We don't fit together
But you've got your arms around
No one but strangers

I feel fine
With the sun in my eyes
The wind in my hair
When I'm falling out of this sky
I'm doing better than I thought I would
But nothings ever as good
As when you're on top

I want to wake up
And just start running
Into a ditch
Or straight up a mountain
I want to get
Where no one been gettin'
Make it deeper than hell
Or make it higher than heaven

I need someone whose price hasn't been met
When everybody's disappearing
By the minute
There isn't anyone left
I haven't meet yet
Well I remember
When they hadn't gotten to you yet


Half way up
And over this rainbow
I heard a shot
Fire up from a ghetto
As I drop
I didn't think you'd follow
Just didn't know
The sky was this shallow

I need a garden
Where nothings forbidden
I need an apple
That no ones been eatin'
I want to start again
Back at the beginnin'
I had a vision
That this feeling maybe has an ending

Really, I need to sleep in my bed and I need an end to this gut-wrenching. Damn Damn Damn.


This week I've decided to focus only on school. I have a Physics exam on Friday, Calculus on Thursday, and English next Tuesday.

I'm so tired of wasting my time on other things that I can't change, no matter how hard I try. I'm tired of going from hope to rejection and despair 10 times a day, I need resolution. Love me or leave me, but I think I've been punished enough, toyed with enough, for this one mistake.

I fear I will be quite alone on Thanksgiving, and I wish I could go home.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

That's Better!

I thought that the 18 credits of math for a minor was in addition to the 12 hours of math I have to take for my major. I was terrified. I was running for the hills.

Turns out that they actually do apply. Plus the Pre-Cal classes I took last year apply to the minor as well! Woohoo! That means I have to take **ZERO** extra math courses! There's no way for me to NOT get a minor in Math.

I have lots and lots of transfer credits that all go toward electives, but I think there are still 7 that I can use for anything. I'm considering a dual minor Math+Geology. I would only have to go 3 credits over, and that can be done during the summer (like I said yesterday).

So yeah, I feel so much better now.

Unfortunately, I will definitely only be half-time in the Spring. 7 hours. I guess that means I can focus focus focus.


Monday, November 5, 2007

Decisions, Decisions

Registration for Spring 2008 opens this week. My adviser rescheduled my appointment until tomorrow at 3 (note to self), but I've already put together a schedule conflict worksheet. Stress is that I've completed ALL of my general and elective requirements, thanks primarily to CCAF and the fact that those were the only classes I could take while on Active Duty. That means that I have to somehow fill at least 12 credit hours using only classes from my major and minor concentrations, in order to be paid for full time by GIBill. That's so not happening.

I need to take Calculus 3, Physics 2 + Lab, Geology + Lab, and one of the two Physics courses that don't have Physics 2 as a prerequisite. If I could do that, it would be 14 credits.

The first two are both offered in the spring, so I'm good there. Unfortunately, Geology is offered at the exact same time as Physics, so I can't take it. Thats kind of okay because I can take it in the summer. But since neither of the two Physics courses I could take are even offered in the Spring, I'm only going to be able to take 7 credits. Half-time. Damn. Its possible that I could take the remaining Math requirement, but I don't really want to take two tough Math courses in the same term.

That's also why I don't want to minor in Math. Just imagine it: Two upper level Physics classes, plus two upper level Math classes every term for the next 2 1/2 years. No, not so much. It sounds like as much fun as eating tacks for breakfast. So I'm thinking about Geology as a minor. I could get a little bit of the Great Outdoors over the summers. Half of the required credits are offered in the summer, which means I can be fulltime in the summer and be able to graduate by the end of 2009 (Woohoo! the same decade as I graduated from HS!). Plus, it actually sounds interesting, and a good relief from the Math+Physics beatings I must endure. (I like Physics, really) I was hoping to get a feel for it this Spring, but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen.

Anyway, if you read this far, you are bored, and I am sorry.

Where to begin?

First, I ate a TON of food at lunch today. I feel like I swallowed a balloon and then blew it up.

You know that feeling you get on Thanksgiving, where there's so much food packed into your gut that it hurts to breathe?

Then you burp, and think "I've got room for another slice of pumpkin pie!"

I once had an entire pie that way, but not today.

I have been planning to take leave and visit my friend Traci when she has her baby next month. She just moved to the state this fall, and I'm pretty much the nearest person she knows. Now she just found out her hubby might not be home for the birth, that she might be all alone. Can't have that, so I'm going to talk to my boss about extending my leave.

On another note, I'm looking at requesting an educational hardship waiver or something. I can have my date of
separation moved up to 90 days sooner, up to 10 days before the start of a college term. The summer term starts 6 July, and I'm going to request a new separation date of 1 July. I'm excited. I've felt like my life is on hold for the last year, and its time to get busy livin' or get busy dyein' Oh I'm such a dork.

Unfortunately, this means I will have to put in paperwork with the college to become a degree-seeking student, and
to declare a major before I ever take a class in physics or chemistry (my two choices). I know I can change it if I decide I'm no good at physics(read: math), but I really don't want to do that.

Michael and I narrowed down our list of apartments to apply for. I sent emails to all 4 management companies, and I got a reply from only one. It is the one Michael likes best, and the rent for the 2 bed/1 bath units is reasonable for how nice the complex is.

Unfortunately that unit doesn't have washer/dryer hookups. I'm not selling my washer and dryer, and I am NOT going back to communal laundry. Ever. Never. Ever. The 2 bed/1+ bath unit has connections, but its not very much cheaper than our rent is now. The whole point of moving is to reduce our rent. Also the rent doesn't include any utilities.

So, we would be moving from a 3 bed/2 bath/2 car garage house (too big for us), to a 2 bed/1+ bath/single carport apartment, with very little change in our rent. Not happening.

I guess I will have to call the other places, since the emails didn't go through. Suck. I hate phones, and talking on them, to people.

My house is a mess, I'm gonna go pretend to clean it. Laters.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Good Morning

I've added a new feature at the bottom of the page, because I think its a bit tacky to have ads as the first thing you see. Its supposed to be videos of Conures and parrots. There are manymanymany videos of conures on YouTube, but somehow it only finds 3 videos of parrots for the player. If I choose just conures, I get a dozen videos of someone named Chad Vader.  Advice is welcome.

Rather than email this to all of you, well hell thats what blogs are for, right?!

I thought you'd be interested in this story from Science@NASA: On Monday morning, Nov. 5th, space shuttle Discovery is scheduled to undock from the ISS while the pair are gliding over many US towns and cities. The two spaceships will cut across a glittering expanse of morning stars dotted by bright planets and a Venus-Moon conjunction. And don't forget the exploding comet! It all adds up to
"A Fantastic Monday Morning Sky Show ."

It was rather simple to get my password reset over the phone for my Alltel account. Unfortunately, the site keeps timing out, so poopy.

Someone please explain to me why it is under 70 degrees outside, and they are still running the AC inside, while all the wuss Texans are wearing heavy coats because ZOMG ITS UNDER 70!one!oneeleventyone!!! (other people say that's funny)
I'm going to go buy some eggs and attempt to win my hubby's heart through his stomach.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Stress Much?

I just got out of Calculus. I'm pretty sure the professor took our brains out and beat them with a baseball bat and then returned them to our heads. At least that's how I remember things.

Registration for the Spring is opening up soon. Holy crap, soon. I feel like this semester is going so fast, like I'm on a treadmill going 7 miles an hour and just trying not to fall off.

Hope is still there, but I keep feeling like everything has double meaning, everything is a hint and I'm reading it wrong out of desperation. I'm tempted to delete that, but I need to say it. Damn.

I'm still not sleeping well because I keep waking up from weird dreams, but none I can remember from last night. Also, my hand hurts from hitting the wall very hard because yesterday I was awakened by Mr. Thinks He Lives In A Karaoke Bar, at 6am. SIX IN THE DAMN MORNING, PEOPLE! I've decided he isn't human.

What a mess...

Dear [username],

Your My Account User ID has been locked due to excessive attempts to log in [WITH THE CORRECT PASSWORD!]. To unlock your account, please reset your password by returning to Forgot Your Password on My Account and entering your User ID. If you cannot remember your User ID [WHICH IS RIGHT THERE AT THE TOP OF THIS EMAIL AND IS THE ONE YOU USED WHICH GOT YOU LOCKED OUT] and are the original person to register your account (Account Administrator), please contact Customer Service at 1-800-alltel1. If you are not the original person to register your account and have forgotten your User ID please contact the Account Administrator to obtain your User ID which is located in Account Management.

Our goal is to provide you with exceptional customer service. Online account accessibility through My Account gives you the control and convenience [BARF] you need to manage your account on-line. We appreciate your business and hope you love every minute.

Thank you for being a valued Alltel Customer.

Alltel Communications

Except "To unlock your account, please reset your password by returning to Forgot Your Password on My Account and entering your User ID." doesn't work because my account has been locked! I am so.incredibly.not. in the mood to argue about this with the customer service people, and the email thing on the website is insisting that I create a new account in order to send an email to customer service, and then insists that my account already exists (duh!) and won't let me send the email, and just sending an email to the mailbox they reply with gets an autoresponse saying it isn't monitored so please use the email thing on the website and then my brains just exploded.