Thankfuls

Isn't this just wonderful? I have a 5 page paper due tomorrow at 8am, and I forgot to get the draft off the school computer. I am a moron. There are two tests tomorrow, one of which I am completely unprepared for. Completely.

Is it the last week of November already? Time to step back? Time to take stock of the things I am thankful for? Time to work off the 3 cups of coffee I've had tonight so I can wake up at 5am to type a paper? Yes.

A year ago I took a step in the right direction. It was painful, and frightening, and I failed. A year ago this week, I gave in to the fear and returned to a bad marriage. So I am thankful that this year I found the strength to do what was ultimately best for me. I knew it would pay off in the long term, but what I did not realize at the time was how good it was for me in the short term. Money might not be the root of all evil, but it is the fear of not having it that ties us to things and people who do us no good.

My first Thankful leads to my second. I allowed myself to be fooled into believing that permanent unity with one person would make me happy. Instead, I was shoved into a lonely little corner. Today, I am thankful for my friends: old and new, near and far. You keep me connected to the world. You keep me laughing. You don't keep me sane (I don't expect the impossible), but its hard to tell when I'm surrounded by such a wacky bunch of people.

Finally, as much as this semester has stressed me out, burnt me out, and turned me inside-out, I value the privilege which allows me to pursue higher education. I am thankful that I have the ability and the means to study physics. I have to keep reminding myself, in the thick of homework and papers and marathon study weekends blurring together, that I am doing this because I want to. I am living a long-held dream come true.

Which, occasionally, twists into a rather inconvenient nightmare....