On Fat

First, the video by Joy Nash


So this a picture of me, 5 years ago:


I know that at the moment this picture was taken, I felt like a cow. I look back now, and I see that, wow, I was kinda cute. But I still crop my lower body out of this picture, because I still look at it and feel as awkward as I did the moment it was taken. That is a shame, because the pond scenery is sooo beautiful. The bigger shame is that I had to feel so awkward in such a lovely photograph, just because my clothes didn't fit me right.

I. Looked. Great.

But I was so overjoyed at finally FINALLY being able to get into and zip up a size 10 pair of shorts, that I didn't realize that it didn't mean that those pants FIT ME. With the unfortunate shirt, I was stuck on the idea that I was a size Medium, forever an always, up top. I was so terrified, mortified, at ever even trying on a size Large *gasp, horror* that I actually put up with an entire wardrobe (term used loosely) of shirts that stretched tight over my round belly.

I was the most physically fit of my entire life. Back then I weighed 141 pounds, overweight by Air Force standards for my height. Lets keep in mind that at this point I had zero social life and spent 1-2 hours PER NIGHT at the gym, in addition to my unit's thrice-weekly mandatory mile run and calisthenics, and I ate a cobb salad for lunch and dinner every day. I could do 65 situps in 60 seconds, but I still had the round tummy, and I always will. FACT.

Here's me last month:

When I posted this picture to Facebook, I cropped it to not show my arms, and squeezed the image a little. Yup. I still can't stand the sight of myself in the camera's lens.

Now, I don't bother weighing myself anymore. I am done hating myself because of that number. Maybe it is around 165, I dunno. I wear a size 12/14 pant, and Large/XL shirts. I can't shop at most stores in the mall because they have shitty selection that high, and I get asked "why are you here, skinny?" at Lane Bryant.

I have biked 100 miles in about 5 total weeks. I do yoga or an abs workout 4 times a week. I have found healthy, simple foods that I enjoy, and I refuse to eat something "healthy" that I do not absolutely love.

Today I made pound cake, and I will delight in every brandy-infused bite for the next week.

Happy Boobies!

Becky asked how studying makes me a manic cleaning crazywoman.

Well, the bug spray people posted a notice were doing the apartments today. I was actually home last time, and they just walk through real quick and spray all the exposed baseboard. Since we tend to have stuff piled/stacked/shoved against the walls, they didn't spray as much as they could have. So I made sure they could get to the baseboards. Also, I get a tad embarrassed about people seeing my home as cluttered as it was, and also things like the film that develops over the bathroom sink and mirror. Whatever, I'm crazy, get over it.

Also, I was pretty stressed about the test because I knew I didn't study well this past week. When that happens I lay awake with my mind racing over everything from the test to my future to mulling over events of the past...its not good for sleeping is what I'm saying. Cleaning in a big sweep like that burns some energy so I can get to sleep before 5am.

Oh, and my boobies! are happy. I decided to pick several bras to try on in the two sizes. Yes, Becky, the calculator worked very well for me. Turns out the old size just does not fit anymore, and I found a couple very comfortable bras on sale for $24 (from $42). I also bought some boring beige panties, because I don't like their patterns, and my normal grey or black in a comfortable cut weren't stocked in my size. Suck. They were 5 for $25, which is more than I would like to pay, but I was there already, and I needed new panties. They had different body spritz scents than the one I really loved, but I found a good one anyway. Go figure that VC is about the only place I can find perfumes that don't make my sinuses dry or congested. They smell good too!

I think I'm going to relax tonight. There are 2 books from the library that are about a month overdue. I'd return them unread, but that would just be wrong!

Boobies!

I am in love with how clean my house is right now. Yesterday's lab lasted until 4:00, and the test review lasted until 6:30. I ate dinner and then studied until midnight. Then I cleaned my house like a madwoman! until 1:am, and it is wonderful! I resisted the urge to sweep/vaccuum/mop the floors, out of respect for my neighbors, so I might do that later today.

This morning's Chemistry exam was murder! I walked out numb, shaking, exhausted. This afternoon's lab was easy and short, even though I managed to spill water on myself about 3 times. At least it was only water. Anyway, it was good to get a short day.

I haven't been to the gym all week, Bad ME! So what shall I do with my extra time today? Go to VS and get a new bra for my poor boobies! As recommended, I just measured myself. I used the Bra Size Calculator , which gave me a size I was not expecting, and which I will not tell you. Except for Amanda, who needs to be online right now! to tell me if it is accurate. But she's not, and I'm going to VC anyway, but only because Hubby gave me a gift card in December, which I have not used yet.

K! BuhByenow!

Knocked Up (no Mom, its just a movie)

A Longish Review of Knocked Up, but maybe because I read all 106 comments...
A Smaller Review of Knocked Up, which we saw this weekend, which I thouroughly enjoyed, and which you really must see.

Caution: Both reviews contain Spoilers.

this film contains one of the most brilliantly subversive commentaries on misogynistic language I’ve ever seen. During the movie, the word “vagina” is (notably) used by guys as an insult. And then during the delivery—KAPOW! You get not one but three (IIRC) shots of the baby crowning. And all I could think was: “Awesome! Could there be a better commentary on how fucking stupid it is to use ‘vagina’ as an insult to convey weakness?!” Superb.

Feminism at The Onion

Top 9 Euphemisms for Menstruation from The Onion
My Favorites are:
4- Falling to the Communists
9-Its "that time of the month" where "I'm not at my best" because "my vagina is bleeding."

SF Women