Finished Tattoo

Finished Damselfly
Originally uploaded by TJ Relic

Isn't it pretty!?!?! I just uploaded 3 pictures of my tattoo. I relaxed afterward with dark beer and chocolate chip cookies that had the texture of brownie edges. Perfect!

On Fat

First, the video by Joy Nash


So this a picture of me, 5 years ago:


I know that at the moment this picture was taken, I felt like a cow. I look back now, and I see that, wow, I was kinda cute. But I still crop my lower body out of this picture, because I still look at it and feel as awkward as I did the moment it was taken. That is a shame, because the pond scenery is sooo beautiful. The bigger shame is that I had to feel so awkward in such a lovely photograph, just because my clothes didn't fit me right.

I. Looked. Great.

But I was so overjoyed at finally FINALLY being able to get into and zip up a size 10 pair of shorts, that I didn't realize that it didn't mean that those pants FIT ME. With the unfortunate shirt, I was stuck on the idea that I was a size Medium, forever an always, up top. I was so terrified, mortified, at ever even trying on a size Large *gasp, horror* that I actually put up with an entire wardrobe (term used loosely) of shirts that stretched tight over my round belly.

I was the most physically fit of my entire life. Back then I weighed 141 pounds, overweight by Air Force standards for my height. Lets keep in mind that at this point I had zero social life and spent 1-2 hours PER NIGHT at the gym, in addition to my unit's thrice-weekly mandatory mile run and calisthenics, and I ate a cobb salad for lunch and dinner every day. I could do 65 situps in 60 seconds, but I still had the round tummy, and I always will. FACT.

Here's me last month:

When I posted this picture to Facebook, I cropped it to not show my arms, and squeezed the image a little. Yup. I still can't stand the sight of myself in the camera's lens.

Now, I don't bother weighing myself anymore. I am done hating myself because of that number. Maybe it is around 165, I dunno. I wear a size 12/14 pant, and Large/XL shirts. I can't shop at most stores in the mall because they have shitty selection that high, and I get asked "why are you here, skinny?" at Lane Bryant.

I have biked 100 miles in about 5 total weeks. I do yoga or an abs workout 4 times a week. I have found healthy, simple foods that I enjoy, and I refuse to eat something "healthy" that I do not absolutely love.

Today I made pound cake, and I will delight in every brandy-infused bite for the next week.

Because You Care, Probably...Maybe

Today I bought the bike. They had white, blue, and orange. The white was being sold when I walked in, so I went with the orange. Why not?

Turns out I walked in right as they were getting ready to close, but the woman buying the white bike was very needy, and kept coming up with more stuff for them to put on her bike, and even had them deliver it to her house. I had them put on a rack and also got a helmet and rack bag. I should have also gotten the front basket and a set of lights especially. The rack covered up the rear reflector, which is a wee bit of a problem. I'll probably ride it around the neighborhood during the daytime for a week and then go back for the lights at least.

Did I mention I walked there, stopped at the coffee shop for some lunch, and rode back in the rain? I guess I had to ride in the rain eventually, might as well get it over with today. The ride wasn't too bad, except the sensors at the one light I had to go through did not register me and I had to wait for a car to come along to trip the signal. While I sat in the rain.

It's 5 o'clock....now!

Oh. it. is. so. FINALLY. The Weekend.

This week has been stressful. It started with registration and scheduling problems, and therefore stressing over my finances. The Husband filed his taxes, and we decided to file separately because I didn't have my W-2 ready. Also, he has had some breathing problems while running, and the chest x-ray showed cause for concern. The CT scan results are pending. I spent all day yesterday studying for a physics test, but still felt lost this morning when faced with Lenz' Law.

I went to the nearby H&R Block this afternoon, where they did a great job for me. I'm getting back way more than I thought, actually ALL of what I payed in last year. Very nice. Turns out I won't have to use my considerable "skills" to put myself through college. Not this year, anyway. This also means Rigel gets a play stand, long overdue, and I get to come home for a week or two in late June (probably).

So...yeah...It's 5 o'clock right ....now. Last week I set some strawberries to soak in some lemon vodka. Today, I added the lemonade. Much of this post might not make sense. I'm okay with that.

Also, there's sake, but I want to be mostly-conscious for tonight's episodes of The Sarah Jane Adventures (AMANDA YOU MUST WATCH THIS!!!!!) and Battlestar (also this, but you knew that already, (holy shit they're going to unbox the 3's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)).

Um. Yeah. Strawberry Lemon Vodka Yumminess.

WE'RE GOING THE WRONG WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I swear the director told her, "play this one like a 3 year old in a tantrum" FUN!)