Hold Music

My social life is pathetic. My sleep is horrid. I spend all my time knowing I should be sleeping or studying, wishing I were out having fun, and doing nothing at all.

And the weather is beautiful, damn beautiful, for this brief moment between 'seasons.' What do I do with that? Sit outside alone? Go for a walk alone?

With no word from schools, everything in my life is paused, expectant, waiting for disappointment. On hold... beepbeepbeep... beepbeepbeep...

And I Dance Dance Dance!

This summer, I have increasedthe amount of dancing I have ever done in my life by roughly 3076.8 %. No really, I have only ever done the High School Sway and the Why ARE These People Grinding Into Me And Knocking Me Over I Don't Even Like Rap? dances. So, I decided to try the weekly Lindy Hop beginners dance lessons while interning at UCF. I am still clumsy, but it seems to be working! I even attended a couple of the intermediate lessons in swiveling my swivellly hips.

*swivels for showing off*
Speaking of swivelling my swivelly hips...this class has been a nice way to chat up about 30 different guys in an hour. This is actually not terrifying for me, and this is new. Most of them are quite nice and fairly good looking. Most. If only I could remember more than one person's name from week to week. Who am I kidding? I didn't get a single name right tonight.

Jacob? Jeremy? Jason? Oh...your name is Steve. That was my next guess.

I almost don't want to talk about the Charleston, because it gave/is giving me fits to learn. I very nearly gave up entirely, and I did give up on the intermediate lessons when they introduced Charleston. But tonight we did just a little bit of it, something they had not shown us before, and I actually almost didn't suck at it entirely. Progress.

Here is where I need to address how my brain works, or rather fails to work properly. I absolutely cannot process information when there is too much "clutter" entering my brains. Put me in a room with more than one conversation going on, and there is no way on Earth I will be able to understand what you are explaining to me. I don't study to music with lyrics, or with people who talk too much (you know who you are), or in the coffee shop on a busy day.

So...(I like ellipses)...if we are in the middle of a dance move, with music playing that you have to raise your voice to be heard, I will not understand the relatively simple concept the instructor trying to get me to implement on the fly. Ever. The man is fighting a losing battle with my brains.

This makes me sad. Will someone show me how to make my brains work right? Please?

*swivels for showing off*

Seriously

I can be goofy, but mostly I am a serious person. Even when I'm not feeling "serious" I come across as though I am, because that is my face and my default personality. Sometimes I brush that off and nudge myself in a more fun, outgoing direction, but sometimes I don't want to. Maybe I am too tired or maybe that is just the mood I am in. My point here is that the choice is up to ME. Don't be offended, I'm not "pissed off" unless I give you more reason to think so.

I am not Too Serious. I am exactly who I can and want to be. You do not get to determine what parts of me are too much or too little. Listen, it has taken me a long time to become okay (more okay) with my own personality. Yes, if you are doing something that annoys me when you think it is "just being goofy," you should stop doing that thing and respect my boundaries. That doesn't mean I am trying to shoot down your personality, it means you don't get to override my needs in order to fulfill your own. Go be goofy with the others if I am not entertaining you properly.

Repeat: You don't get to override my needs in order to fulfill your own. Wow, I want to have the guts to say that more often.