Hold Music

My social life is pathetic. My sleep is horrid. I spend all my time knowing I should be sleeping or studying, wishing I were out having fun, and doing nothing at all.

And the weather is beautiful, damn beautiful, for this brief moment between 'seasons.' What do I do with that? Sit outside alone? Go for a walk alone?

With no word from schools, everything in my life is paused, expectant, waiting for disappointment. On hold... beepbeepbeep... beepbeepbeep...

I Write Letters

Dear San Angelo,

Sometimes it rains here. Roads are not meant to be rivers.

Regards,
TJ


PS: I hate you back.

Divorce: Failed

We went before the judge this morning, and were told we had to redo our Divorce Decree in order to clearly state the division (none) of our respective military retirement benefits. Balls.

On the upside, this means that the name change is back ON, because we have to re-file the decree anyway. Sweet!

On to next Friday, then.

Showing Off My Crazy

I've been to the library three times this week. That's 33 miles total by bike, for those of you not keeping track. In conclusion: I give up, for now.

Because the divorce petition states that I want my name changed back, it is now a gigantic pain in my ass to change it to something else. It would have just been a minor pain in the ass if I had kept it as Jones, and then filed the name change to something else. The thing is, I have to get the Petition for Change of Name notarized, and this requires a current/valid photo ID with the old name on it. I do not have this, at all.

Changing my name for the divorce means getting new a driver's license, SS card, school ID, debit card, checkbook, and my Inactive Reserve ID card. Also, I have to update my name with the GI Bill, VA Life Insurance, and everything else I can't think of right now. *head asplodes*

When/If I change my name, I will have to do all those things again. Plus, I have to pay $217 to file the petition, and $34 to have a fingerprint card made. At least if I wait until January, when my IRR time is up, I will have one less ID to change. I will, however, confuse the shit out of everyone I know, by changing my name twice in 6 months. Piss.

So, how is my crazy showing? I worked off my frustration by switching my living room and bedroom. Yes, I got my sofa through the door, by sheer determination alone. I suffer from an extreme form of the hereditary disorder known as Rearrangus Furnituritis, just ask my mom.

I are not some smarts.

This cell phone thing defeats me. Again.

I have quite a few numbers set to speed dial that I don't use anymore, and I was going through them to reassign speed dial numbers.

That is all. There was to be no deleting whatsoever.

Apparently I misunderstood. When I changed the speed dial number, it would say "hey, there's one there already, replace?" So I'm all, "Yes, replace!" And its all "OK! I won't mention that it deletes the phonebook entry that had that number and replaced it with the other one!"

Yay! Frak.

So, if I haven't called you lately (say, if it is your birthday today, but not if your number is one different than mine and I'm divorcing you) it is because my phone doesn't know you anymore.

This is the Title field...

Fun was had. Not wild party fun, but spending time with my friends and family, doing generally unboring stuff.

Things were photographed. Lots. Maybe I'll upload them later.

Money was spendeded. Way way more than I intended. See, it all started with a sqeaky belt...

Driving was droved. And then more. And then not, until the car was fixed. And then some more driving. And I will never drive again, I hate cars so much. Mom and I got to San Angelo at about 10pm, but loading the birdie and then unloading him and all the accumulated junk from the car took us until 11. I never knew selling the car would be so damn complicated, stupid Texass rules or someshit. I'll just be glad to be rid of it. I'll worry about it later. Actually, I'm worrying about it now, but will deal with it when I'm more awake. Mom has to go back early tomorrow morning, unfortunately, so no fun hanging out. I have a busy day of banking and cleaning and paying tuition ahead of me as well.

Class starts Tuesday...

Feedback Loop

When I'm trying to understand something, I need to take time to process it, or else I get really frustrated. This makes me feel stupid. It makes it harder for me to focus on understanding. Which makes me feel frustrated. Which makes it harder to focus. Which is frustrating. Which effects my ability to focus. I'm sure you understand that I get frustrated at that point.

*deep breath*

So I really appreciate your help, I really do. You're super nice and I hope we can be friends. The thing is, when you stand over me, waiting for me to finish the problem, to see if I understand it, I feel pressured, I feel dumb. You can imagine that can be frustrating. I can do this right the first or second time, but first I really just need some space, in my brain, to organize my thoughts. I know that you understand and you have a great ability to help. I appreciate your help, but at some point I just need 10 free minutes to figure it out on my own. Because when I have to have someone help me with something, it makes me feel stupid. You don't mean to make me feel stupid but I feel that way anyway.

And that's frustrating. I hope you understand.

(This is why I've always found group work to be difficult...)

Tablet Review (again)

My new tablet is pissing me off, so I already want a brand-new one. I'm willing to buy it as a replacement for my primary laptop. That is if I can also get a docking station or even just a laptop holder that would put it at a good slant for viewing while using the wireless keyboard. We'll still end up losing a good chunk of change over it though, and I doubt the Hubs will like the idea. I won't have to get used to a tiny screen like the one I have now (10.4'') if I get a 12.1'' and use Hubs' old monitor we have in the office when I need larger. I was dumb to get 10.4'' anyway, because the case is the same, just with a smaller screen area.

--Fan runs too loud and too often, without maxing out the processor, even when doing the most basic tasks and even when not warm. It does, however, get warm after awhile of doing next to nothing. It is nothing short of ridiculous. I'm willing to deal with the annoyance if it were only me, but I already get slightly annoyed looks from my classmates, and I'm not willing to be rude.

--I have an indoor display, which is supposedly best if you aren't using it in the brighter light outdoors. However the glare off the classroom lights means that I can't reliably see what I'm writing most of the time. Perhaps an Indoor/Outdoor display will be better, or perhaps this is just a bad example for an Indoor display?

--I can't get the pen calibrated in portrait mode, so I'm touching nowhere near where my pointer is actually hitting. This plus the bad display means that I can't hit the scrollbar for fresh paper in the middle of writing. Bad. Somehow landscape is better, but sometimes I need to write in portrait, period.

--I'm torn on using it as a graphing calculator, because Duh! these and later professors probably won't let me use my tablet on tests, but there is a fair likelihood of using the TI-84 on tests. So I might as well get as much practice as possible using the TI-84, and just dream about all the cool stuff I could do with MathJournal on the tablet. :(

The only good thing I can say is that the battery life on my tablet is amazing, 7+ hours! Reboot only takes about 10 minutes off the remaining power.

Week 1 Update

Is the first week really only halfway through???!!! Oh well, its the tough half that's through, so I'll take it. Sorry this is kind of long and rambling. I should post more often.

The Bad

As a follow-up to the sneezing episode a few weeks ago, the skin around Rigel's eyes now has faint spots of pink. I called the vet, missed the return call from the Dr., and now I have to wait until tomorrow to talk to him. He'll probably call while I'm in class.

Nothing makes me fell more dumb and worthless than math, nay Calculus.
--Three of my 4 courses, and of course both labs, require Calculus.
--I couldn't do the review of Cal1 tonight. I mean I feel really dumb right now. I'll have to go to the Math Lab for tutoring tomorrow afternoon, but that won't protect me from turning in a pathetic homework assignment first. :(

My Schedule
--Monday was the first day for 2 classes, which means stress.
-- Tuesday was the first day for my other 2 classes and its also Chem Lab day, which is 4 more hours and equals more stress and a birdy all alone all day. This makes me sad.
-- Wednesday is Physics Lab day, 2nd longest day of the week. Lonely Bird but I come home for 2 hours for lunch. Theoretically.
--Thursday and Friday will be wonderfully relaxing after that, right? Please?

My Tablet PC is pissing me off so much that the description got too long. Tablet post to follow later for those of you who are interested.

My right shoulder is killing me, and its not even from carrying around a giant bag of books. It started before Monday. I think it has to do mostly with how I sit with my laptop, and partially with writing hunched over a desk.
--Yesterday I downed 3 Tylanol at once, put a Tiger Balm patch on it, and still no relief. --Then before bed I took 2 Aleve that helped a little, and kept the patch on all night.
--Of course it hurts again now, I only took 1 Aleve after school today.

The Good

My physics professor is great, and she's also my adviser. The other two females in class are pre-engineering or chemistry majors, I think. But hey, they're there so I don't feel surrounded! Alas, this class is the reason I had to get the graphing calculator, and I'm not at all comfortable with it. :( I should have splurged for one when I started Cal1 in spring, but I didn't want to buy it and realize I needed a nicer one for Physics. Oh well.

Thank the FSM for British Lit. I think that course is going to be a fun diversion from math torment. The professor is very energetic and chatty and really made the classroom comfortable for us to laugh and contribute to the conversation. I left class feeling very upbeat, and not just because the girl who sits in front of me is a Whovian. (yay!)

Monday is Labor Day!

Tablet is Here/Not Here :(

A downside of living in an apartment: packages are not delivered to my door. I just got the little card in my mailbox saying Sorry We Missed You! I can pick it up tomorrow morning at the post office. I'm pretty mad at myself for not checking the box first thing when I walked out, because I saw the postman at the other set of mailboxes. Instead I walked down the block to deposit a piece of mail in the drop box. What was I thinking?!?!

Grrrr....

*** Update: I went to the wrong Post Office. As if I drove clear across town and stood in line for 10 minutes just to waste 2 minutes of her time, I deserved a dirty look and bad directions to the right building.

I Scream

Death to the Ice Cream Truck Driver.

May she choke on a popsicle stick, become suddenly lactose intolerant, run over by a train...whatever. As long as I don't have to listen to that ditty for 30 minutes every day, parked in the road outside my window because they aren't allowed in the parking lots.

As a kid, Mom was told the Ice Cream Man was called the Ding-Dong Man because he was a pervert, not because of the song. Kept the kids away from the overpriced goods, kept the music out of the neighborhood. Sounds good to me.

Review

So the last Chem exam is tomorrow, Finals on Tuesday. I skipped Government today to work my practice problems. I've only missed this one day so far, and I could do those tests asleep and I have an A already before the extra credit, so wev.

In short, I was at school from 8am to almost 6pm today, just for one class. The professor held an extra review session after the lab ended at 4pm. He schedules reviews for Friday afternoons, since we don't have lab that day, but tests have fallen on Thursday and Friday mornings so he holds extra review sessions after the afternoon labs. He's told us several times that he won't factor a curve until after the finals are graded, if at all. He gives us plenty of hints as to what is important for the tests. Yet still, this afternoon, the goons decide that they are going to interrupt every review question by asking "Will this be on the test?" The professor is a relaxed, nice guy, seriously. He's put up with Mr. WTBOTT without getting snippy at all, until today. I guess he finally snapped, because of course it will be on the test we spent an hour on it in lecture! Guy's excuse was that he wasn't in class that day...oh yeah, because that makes you look like less of a worthless dumbass. Seriously, the professor has gone out of his way to give us extra help. But the only thing Mr. WTBOTT, and about 4 others just like him, can do is leech off our time by asking useless questions and "joking" that there "better be a 20 point curve." Leeches, I tell you!
/rant


In any case, this afternoon's lab left me feeling like my brain had been bashed by a baseball bat, and I'm kinda quesy from the stress...

Off to lock myself in a room with no internet access for 4 hours, so I might memorize some Dots.

Like a frakking motorcycle.

This is probably more honest than I should be. Oh well.

I was a bit surprised this morning when I woke up alone in bed. No no, he usually leaves for work before I wake up. Its just that I woke up and he wasn't unconscious, or even dead. Turns out, I didn't fly into a homicidal rage and kill him in the night. Surprised? Me too.

No amount of shaking, prodding, loud 'relaxation' music, getting up and turning on the light to take Tylenol PM, yelling, tossing or turning would Make. It. Stop. I finally had to resort to pulling the iPod out of the radio and putting on my headphones.

I had to sleep with headphones on. Do you understand?

I keep telling him to stop sleeping on his side. Not just on his side, but half on his own face. The snoring is horrible, and he is always complaining about his shoulders hurting. Well, duh. Last night I really tried everything to get him to turn onto his back. He was literally immovable. The moment I finally settle in with the headphones? Rolls over on his own and the snoring lowers to a dull wheeze. Clearly he was doing it on purpose, for over an hour, just to piss me off.

Will he see a doctor? No. Is it because we don't have health insurance? NO, we have the benefit of military healthcare, F-R-E-E!* He won't see a doctor because he wants to be pummeled to death in the night. He hasn't said so, but its really the only logical conclusion.

*-ish. We pay our taxes, just like you.

Another Day In The Life

So, I've spent a pleasant day lounging in the sun, enjoying the flower smell. Watching the hummingbirds, finishing a book, watching Outer Limits. *Sigh.

I had to be at the clinic at 7:30 this morning though. They acted like it was supposed to be an actual physical, but no, just a records review. Waste of time. Not that I minded not having to strip and all, because they kept asking me what this or that meant on my records. Ummm aren't you supposed to know that?? Idiots.

Currently reading : Cosmic Cocktails By Denise Little Release date: By 05 December, 2006

Failure

Things are not going as well as I want to pretend. I quit a secure paying job, albeit in a field I was tired of, to go to school and learn something more interesting. To immerse myself in a scientific education, to live a very long-stifled dream. To one day get a job that might make me happy. To be painfully honest, to do something I will never be any damn good at. Period. Right now, I'm trying very very hard to keep myself from screaming and throwing nice things through glass windows. It hurts my throat to not scream.

Kharma

How to Assemble a Shadowbox:

1. Wait until last minute.
2. Collect all ribbons, insignia, hot-glue gun, ruler, superglue.
3. Spend 15 minutes putting ribbons on rack, proceed to devices.
4. Superglue middle and ring finger together. (enter Kharma)
5. Spend 20 minutes unglueing fingers.
6. Abandon entire idea of devices.
7. Spend 1 hour attempting to align rank insignia. Pins will bend.
8. Spend 15 minutes attempting to align command crests.
9. Give up and watch Iron Chef America (Battle Breakfast, WTF?!), then Battlestar Galactica.

Everything is connected now, except the devices and a few missing ribbons which I can get help with tomorrow morning. The final thing I have to do tonight is hot-glue on the mini-medals. After the superglue incident, I'm hesitant to start that. I'm just sure that stringy crap will end up ruining something I can't easily replace. I also still need to fix that report before I go to sleep tonight.

Damnitall.

New Old Friend!!!

This is what I love about myspace. I've lost touch with quite a few great friends from HS. I'm bad about writing (and mailing) actual letters, and I hate how I sound on the phone (like an idiot). So I am really happy just now because my friend Becky found me!

NEW OLD FRIEND, YAY!

In any case, it is way past my bedtime. I have to be in a pass & review tomorrow morning and I'm not looking forward to it. I have the wrong hat, because who keeps a flight cap when you have a busdriver hat that doesn't fall off? I have the 'wrong' shirt, because who bothers tucking when you have princess cut, and who the heck cares what's under the jacket anyways? I spent a bunch of cash on 2 whole new ribbon racks today, and cut my finger on a ribbon. What a waste. Who would've thought I needed any of those items anymore? Tomorrow was supposed to be my last work day, but paperwork is holding me back. Yesterday was not a good day, when I found that out.

News Brief

I didn't do well on my Calc test. 78%

In the middle of notes on Tuesday I ran out of lead. *click click click* The lead was static-clinging to the inside of the pencil. I had to finish my notes in neon-pink ink.

I've been waking up at 5am to go to the gym with Carol.

MY SEPERATIONS PAPERWORK HAS BEEN SIGNED, MY NEW DOS IS 1 JUNE!

I fell asleep after work today and woke up at 10pm because I had to do my homework. I'm going back to bed in a few minutes now.

I have bad heartburn. I have bad gas too, because of the antibiotics I'm taking for my sinus infection. Don't lie, you wanted and needed to know. I'm trying to eat more yogurt to help with that. I will be done with the medication tomorrow. I hope to breathe again soon.

Inquiring Minds wanted to know....

I forgot to say, I finally got to see a doctor yesterday. Good thing, because the pressure behind my right eye is making it water randomly and uncontrollably, usually while trying to drive or trying to have a professional-type conversation. They keep thinking I'm upset. Yeah, guys, upset in just the right side of my face, because its a neat trick I learned once.

I had a lot of fluid behind my ear, and I guess my lungs didn't sound too good. I got some antibiotics, Mucinex, Sudafed, and saline spray. I've started a dry hard cough in the last few hours, so I guess I shouldn't have taken that last Sudafed. It tends to dry things up a bit too much. I also don't think I've had all the fluids I should today. I will try harder, promise.

I'm not going to go into the hassle it eventually became before I got an appointment. Suffice to say I just now got a call from a patient satisfaction survey person, and she got the whole story.

I'm going to go to cozy up in bed now, and try not to hack up a lung.

You want to know more about my Nose? Ok.

Okay, so I never got the sinus problem looked at by a doctor. I didn't want to be put on quarters, which I always saw as a waste of time. I didn't want a perscription for Vitamin M. I didn't think they would/could do anything about it. I didn't want to look like a winer.

Those are all pretty dumb reasons to suffer a month long sickness.

Enter: Research

The Basics of Sinusitis

When to See a Doctor

Nasal Irrigation Could you do this? Everything I read says it is comfortable, safe, and effective. If it works, I'm snubbing the Clinic again. Oh well.