Sunday, July 17, 2011

Blue and Green

Did you hold your breath? Did you? Well then you are dead now, or at least turning blue like a choking actor in a 1970's public service video on the Heimlich Maneuver.

Take a deep breath and come back to us please.

I moved again. Yeah, I think I'm a wandering gypsy at heart, but this time I just moved to a cheaper place closer to school. The parrot and I are settled in, but I'm still learning to deal with the roommate's cat. I do not understand cat.

MEOW MEWW MEOWW MEWW what do you want, animal!!?!?

I'm gardening at the church. Oh yeah, I kind of joined a church. Don't worry, I'm still probably going to hell, since it is a Unitarian Universalist church. Fun times with liberals and other unsavory sorts! I'm happy to have found a community. The garden should do well to nourish us at the shared luncheon, plus donate to the local food pantry, sharing center, or Food Not Bombs.

Speaking of, this happened in nearby Orlando:

My only thought is that the well off don't want to see the poor, hungry, homeless in the park. Don't feed the animals. Don't encourage the unwashed to gather. Compassion is dead, I tell you.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Moving Lessons

Sure, this could be a post about recent life lessons that moved me strongly, inspired in me deepest emotion....bla bla bla.

This is really all about things I learned about moving to a city where I know absolutely no one, in a state where I know about *counts on fingers* maybe 5 people. By car, on a three day trip, with a parrot, over the New Year holidays. Yes, I know that these sentences lack proper structure. I don't always have to apply my education just because I have it.

Step 1, don't overpack your car. Yeah, sure, you will really need those textbooks when you get there. The reality is, you will read them just as much while sitting in your hotel room as you ever did in that class. No, actually, you don't need your coffee grinder. I understand that you forgot to put it on the moving van. Ok, fine, take the damn coffee grinder. All your shoes? ALL your shoes?? You only have five pairs of shoes? Ok, fine, pack the damn shoes. You will need an extra pair after you forget your favorite sandals on the beach. Just shove everything in the car and get on the road. Don't forget to pack your family, their luggage, and the parrot, as they will be joining you for the first 3 hours of the trip. You will all become one with your inner sardine.

For your next trick, search the internet for the absolute cheapest room along your driving route. Accept that this hotel will be difficult to find in the pouring Louisiana rain, that you will get lost and have to cross the Mississippi River three times because the rain is louder than the GPS and you can't see two feet in front of you, and that you will throw the blankets off the bed and sleep with your own. You packed your own blankets and pillows, right? Yeah that is right because you ignored Step 1. Please also accept that this place is so cheap that they don't even offer coffee in the lobby in the morning. Not that you should want to drink it if they did.

Shall we drive? I think we should drive. Driving is so much fun, isn't it? Quit laughing, you know its fun. You think you can use the cruise control the whole way? Now I'm laughing. Nonstop pouring rain, road construction, and irritating leapfroggers mean you might as well turn off the cruise and accept the cramp in your foot as payment for your naivete. Leapfroggers? Those people who inconsistently drive 2mph above and below your cruise speed so that you constantly have to pass them, so then they slowly pass you (out of spite, surely), repeat for an hour until they pass you just in time to cut you off and whip into the next exit.

I am the tired now, please hold your breath for my next installment of Moving Lessons.

Step 1 does not imply that you should forget your shower curtain at the old place. Not cool.