Wednesday, February 4, 2009


Who fans know that The Doctor changes. Something happens to him and he's the same, but different. As Jason said: "Looking back at my life i realized i can do the same except i don't get the whole new face thing to go with it." He wanted to know if anyone else felt like their lives go in regeneration stages, so here we go:

The First Me:
I would say that my first incarnation was this terrified, timid, lonely kid. I'm naturally pretty quiet, and moving schools every 6 months and being teased kept me completely within my shell. There were several years where I can say I had no friends, zero, none. I was once assigned a friend...which still makes me not really trust that people want to spend time with me. This began to change towards the end of middle school, when I put my foot down about the changing schools thing.

The Second Me:
I guess that's the beginning of the second version of me, the first regeneration. I began speaking up for myself, speaking opinions and knowing that others would not agree. I was still painfully shy in many ways though, and most people from back then would be surprised to know that it was an improvement. Having a consistent set of sincere friends, joining a few groups/programs, and getting back into band all helped me become more comfortable with people. My family was still pretty nomadic, but within the same couple of counties, and I insisted on being driven to MY school. I think this version of me, the one that continuously improved, lasted through me joining the military and my first year in Okinawa. I tried to keep it going through the first year of my marriage, but, well we know how that goes.

The Third Me:
Lets say this regeneration started as I lost a lot of ground when I met Michael. He was such a social type that I expected spending time with him would make me more social. Instead, I was partitioned off from his social life, unless it was some event "We" were invited to by mutual co-workers. My social awkwardness embarrassed him, and the loneliness of being married was far far worse than the loneliness that drove me to get married. I still completed my associate's degree during this time, and developed a few work friends. We aren't going into the ultimate downfall of the marriage, but lets just say trust is an issue again. I don't know that I can trust myself anymore to know that someone is bad for me. I don't trust my own decision-making.

The Third Me(current incarnation):
Hoo-boy! This one is more interesting than the previous, and it took longer to come about. First I left the military, started a physics degree, and finally the divorce finished the regeneration. I'm still getting used to the new me. She buys clothes, the kind with colors other than grey and black! She can do more with her hair than just messy ponytails! She can even wear makeup! (no shit, I've learned to wear makeup) She flies to see a hot friend at the drop of a hat. But this is just surface change, a reflection of the internal changes I've brought about. I'm still not ready to articulate those changes, its too soon. I may not even be able to recognize them until the next regeneration...

But for sure, one of those changes involves not double-spacing at the end of sentences. Apparently it is soo last decade. Who knew?!?!!

No comments:

Post a Comment