I can be goofy, but mostly I am a serious person. Even when I'm not feeling "serious" I come across as though I am, because that is my face and my default personality. Sometimes I brush that off and nudge myself in a more fun, outgoing direction, but sometimes I don't want to. Maybe I am too tired or maybe that is just the mood I am in. My point here is that the choice is up to ME. Don't be offended, I'm not "pissed off" unless I give you more reason to think so.
I am not Too Serious. I am exactly who I can and want to be. You do not get to determine what parts of me are too much or too little. Listen, it has taken me a long time to become okay (more okay) with my own personality. Yes, if you are doing something that annoys me when you think it is "just being goofy," you should stop doing that thing and respect my boundaries. That doesn't mean I am trying to shoot down your personality, it means you don't get to override my needs in order to fulfill your own. Go be goofy with the others if I am not entertaining you properly.
Repeat: You don't get to override my needs in order to fulfill your own. Wow, I want to have the guts to say that more often.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Saturday, July 26, 2008
On Fat
First, the video by Joy Nash
So this a picture of me, 5 years ago:
I know that at the moment this picture was taken, I felt like a cow. I look back now, and I see that, wow, I was kinda cute. But I still crop my lower body out of this picture, because I still look at it and feel as awkward as I did the moment it was taken. That is a shame, because the pond scenery is sooo beautiful. The bigger shame is that I had to feel so awkward in such a lovely photograph, just because my clothes didn't fit me right.
I. Looked. Great.
But I was so overjoyed at finally FINALLY being able to get into and zip up a size 10 pair of shorts, that I didn't realize that it didn't mean that those pants FIT ME. With the unfortunate shirt, I was stuck on the idea that I was a size Medium, forever an always, up top. I was so terrified, mortified, at ever even trying on a size Large *gasp, horror* that I actually put up with an entire wardrobe (term used loosely) of shirts that stretched tight over my round belly.
I was the most physically fit of my entire life. Back then I weighed 141 pounds, overweight by Air Force standards for my height. Lets keep in mind that at this point I had zero social life and spent 1-2 hours PER NIGHT at the gym, in addition to my unit's thrice-weekly mandatory mile run and calisthenics, and I ate a cobb salad for lunch and dinner every day. I could do 65 situps in 60 seconds, but I still had the round tummy, and I always will. FACT.
Here's me last month:
When I posted this picture to Facebook, I cropped it to not show my arms, and squeezed the image a little. Yup. I still can't stand the sight of myself in the camera's lens.
Now, I don't bother weighing myself anymore. I am done hating myself because of that number. Maybe it is around 165, I dunno. I wear a size 12/14 pant, and Large/XL shirts. I can't shop at most stores in the mall because they have shitty selection that high, and I get asked "why are you here, skinny?" at Lane Bryant.
I have biked 100 miles in about 5 total weeks. I do yoga or an abs workout 4 times a week. I have found healthy, simple foods that I enjoy, and I refuse to eat something "healthy" that I do not absolutely love.
Today I made pound cake, and I will delight in every brandy-infused bite for the next week.
So this a picture of me, 5 years ago:
I know that at the moment this picture was taken, I felt like a cow. I look back now, and I see that, wow, I was kinda cute. But I still crop my lower body out of this picture, because I still look at it and feel as awkward as I did the moment it was taken. That is a shame, because the pond scenery is sooo beautiful. The bigger shame is that I had to feel so awkward in such a lovely photograph, just because my clothes didn't fit me right.
I. Looked. Great.
But I was so overjoyed at finally FINALLY being able to get into and zip up a size 10 pair of shorts, that I didn't realize that it didn't mean that those pants FIT ME. With the unfortunate shirt, I was stuck on the idea that I was a size Medium, forever an always, up top. I was so terrified, mortified, at ever even trying on a size Large *gasp, horror* that I actually put up with an entire wardrobe (term used loosely) of shirts that stretched tight over my round belly.
I was the most physically fit of my entire life. Back then I weighed 141 pounds, overweight by Air Force standards for my height. Lets keep in mind that at this point I had zero social life and spent 1-2 hours PER NIGHT at the gym, in addition to my unit's thrice-weekly mandatory mile run and calisthenics, and I ate a cobb salad for lunch and dinner every day. I could do 65 situps in 60 seconds, but I still had the round tummy, and I always will. FACT.
Here's me last month:
When I posted this picture to Facebook, I cropped it to not show my arms, and squeezed the image a little. Yup. I still can't stand the sight of myself in the camera's lens.
Now, I don't bother weighing myself anymore. I am done hating myself because of that number. Maybe it is around 165, I dunno. I wear a size 12/14 pant, and Large/XL shirts. I can't shop at most stores in the mall because they have shitty selection that high, and I get asked "why are you here, skinny?" at Lane Bryant.
I have biked 100 miles in about 5 total weeks. I do yoga or an abs workout 4 times a week. I have found healthy, simple foods that I enjoy, and I refuse to eat something "healthy" that I do not absolutely love.
Today I made pound cake, and I will delight in every brandy-infused bite for the next week.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Maybe Too Harsh?
Yeah, well I don't care.
I stopped in at this town's PetCo over a month ago to pick up my bird's favorite food. I went to PetSmart, which I've been in love with since they opened, but they don't carry my bird's food. After finding the food, I wandered around looking for toys but decided not to get any because several of the unpackaged toys, along with the shelf of medicines and vitamins next to it, were covered in wild bird poop. It was because the store uses signs directly above the section that end up being perfect perches for the wild birds that end up living in the store. I informed them as i checked out, assuming they just didn't notice that an entire row of toys was caked with poop. I went in again a week later with my husband and it was still there. I was mad then, but he held me back from saying anything.
I actually had forgotten all about it and I wanted to get Rigel some new foot toys and stuff this week. I walked around but the first thing I saw was those toys still covered in poop, so I decided to make a point. I wandered around picking up a dozen of the nicer toys that I have wanted to get him, but hadn't due to price. I then picked up the 3 toys that were so caked they stuck together and proceeded to the checkout. I told them I was going to buy all this stuff...but then I saw this, now count up how much money you just lost. Oh, and this isn't all of it, just the worst. You might want to take care of that. Then I walked out before they could say anything, because I'm not interested in their excuses or apologies, I just wanted them to fix the problem.
I stopped in at this town's PetCo over a month ago to pick up my bird's favorite food. I went to PetSmart, which I've been in love with since they opened, but they don't carry my bird's food. After finding the food, I wandered around looking for toys but decided not to get any because several of the unpackaged toys, along with the shelf of medicines and vitamins next to it, were covered in wild bird poop. It was because the store uses signs directly above the section that end up being perfect perches for the wild birds that end up living in the store. I informed them as i checked out, assuming they just didn't notice that an entire row of toys was caked with poop. I went in again a week later with my husband and it was still there. I was mad then, but he held me back from saying anything.
I actually had forgotten all about it and I wanted to get Rigel some new foot toys and stuff this week. I walked around but the first thing I saw was those toys still covered in poop, so I decided to make a point. I wandered around picking up a dozen of the nicer toys that I have wanted to get him, but hadn't due to price. I then picked up the 3 toys that were so caked they stuck together and proceeded to the checkout. I told them I was going to buy all this stuff...but then I saw this, now count up how much money you just lost. Oh, and this isn't all of it, just the worst. You might want to take care of that. Then I walked out before they could say anything, because I'm not interested in their excuses or apologies, I just wanted them to fix the problem.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
To Do + Ranting
-Get off my couch: Clean house, exercise, prep for the semester start...etc.
-Send in my absentee Voter Registration. I've already missed the 28 day window to register for the MO Primaries, but I can at least vote in November. If I get off my butt. (see above)
-Go Watch Juno (I already did this, this is a To Do for you)
-Pay my Spring bill. I don't have to buy books, because both my classes (Cal 3 and Phys 2) use the same books as last semester. Yay!
Okay, here's my little rant. I bought a car off the Kadena Lemon Lot in 2002 or so, and by "buy" I mean "it was free." Sweet Deal. I drove it for 3 years and had the option of giving/selling it or spending $300 to de-register it and send it to the junkyard. We needed something to drive until we left the island and out-processing was busy and stressful. I chose a common route, by signing a Specific Power of Attorney to another military member so they could do the paperwork of changing ownership after we left. You have to trust the other person to do their part before the 4 month POA expired. We trusted him. We had good reason. We left the car in the airport parking lot for the guy to pick up after we left. TRUST NO-ONE!
Two years later, late 2006, I get an email saying the car was found abandoned somewhere. I dug around until I found the name of the untrustworthy jerk (which today I can't remember) and the point of contact assured me he would take care of the issue through him. I heard nothing else again for over a year so I figured it was taken care of. Yesterday I got a bill from MCCS for the towing and disposal fees. I saw it was for $170 and I figured I was mad but it was worth it to make the issue go away. Then I saw the second page for $320...and Now I'm Pissed Off. I emailed the point of contact asking for clarification, but I have little hope that he is even the right person anymore, people always come and go. If I don't hear anything in a week, I guess I'll bite the bullet and send the $490.
Also, I accidentally dated my first check of the year with 3 Jan 2007. Every year, and always with the rent. Figures. I think that its an omen, I won't have a good year until I can stop not do that. That means, naturally, that I have to stop using checks, which means I have to stop being a renter.
-Send in my absentee Voter Registration. I've already missed the 28 day window to register for the MO Primaries, but I can at least vote in November. If I get off my butt. (see above)
-Go Watch Juno (I already did this, this is a To Do for you)
-Pay my Spring bill. I don't have to buy books, because both my classes (Cal 3 and Phys 2) use the same books as last semester. Yay!
Okay, here's my little rant. I bought a car off the Kadena Lemon Lot in 2002 or so, and by "buy" I mean "it was free." Sweet Deal. I drove it for 3 years and had the option of giving/selling it or spending $300 to de-register it and send it to the junkyard. We needed something to drive until we left the island and out-processing was busy and stressful. I chose a common route, by signing a Specific Power of Attorney to another military member so they could do the paperwork of changing ownership after we left. You have to trust the other person to do their part before the 4 month POA expired. We trusted him. We had good reason. We left the car in the airport parking lot for the guy to pick up after we left. TRUST NO-ONE!
Two years later, late 2006, I get an email saying the car was found abandoned somewhere. I dug around until I found the name of the untrustworthy jerk (which today I can't remember) and the point of contact assured me he would take care of the issue through him. I heard nothing else again for over a year so I figured it was taken care of. Yesterday I got a bill from MCCS for the towing and disposal fees. I saw it was for $170 and I figured I was mad but it was worth it to make the issue go away. Then I saw the second page for $320...and Now I'm Pissed Off. I emailed the point of contact asking for clarification, but I have little hope that he is even the right person anymore, people always come and go. If I don't hear anything in a week, I guess I'll bite the bullet and send the $490.
Also, I accidentally dated my first check of the year with 3 Jan 2007. Every year, and always with the rent. Figures. I think that its an omen, I won't have a good year until I can stop not do that. That means, naturally, that I have to stop using checks, which means I have to stop being a renter.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Petco and Petsmart
The Petco here where I got my birdie was the only pet store in town until today. I've been eagerly awaiting the opening of a Petsmart in this town and it opened today and I forgot to go. Petco's toys are so boring and I am too impatient to buy online, and to buy without holding things in my hand first.
Before I got Rigel there, I would go pretty often and get my heart set on one or another bird but didn't have the money/lifestyle to buy yet. I would see them degrade from happy bouncy new arrivals to quiet and unhappy little things. They even had a yellow parrotlet who was there for over a year whose bonded partner died of a sickness and eventually started plucking and was still on display until a few months ago. They have two beautiful linneolated parakeets that I wanted but were $400 each, still there 8+ months later and in the last 6 months I haven't seen them move from the same perch cuddled together looking fluffy. I visited again this week and they look double their previous weight and still sit on that same perch.
I got little Rigel there because I saw him and knew the time was right for me and if I didn't get him, he would sit in that place his whole unhappy life.
I finally went to the new PetSmart today, and its great! Open atmosphere, greater selection of toys and food, and the birds seem happier. They have mostly finches and budgies, and two quakers. All except the quakers (i think) were unclipped and flying around in their enclosures. Each cage did seem a bit small for each group of budgies, but they had nice natural wood perches and fruit out in each cage in addition to seed. They were all very active and it was so refreshing to see them flying around and not hopping from perch to perch or just sitting on the bottom.
I really regret that my baby was so severely clipped before he could fledge, but he is adventurous and likes to jump so I think he will do well when they grow out and can be clipped a bit kinder.
Also, I was being silly and couldn't find many good lolbirds, so I made some myself. Not that they're any better than what's out there already of course....
Before I got Rigel there, I would go pretty often and get my heart set on one or another bird but didn't have the money/lifestyle to buy yet. I would see them degrade from happy bouncy new arrivals to quiet and unhappy little things. They even had a yellow parrotlet who was there for over a year whose bonded partner died of a sickness and eventually started plucking and was still on display until a few months ago. They have two beautiful linneolated parakeets that I wanted but were $400 each, still there 8+ months later and in the last 6 months I haven't seen them move from the same perch cuddled together looking fluffy. I visited again this week and they look double their previous weight and still sit on that same perch.
I got little Rigel there because I saw him and knew the time was right for me and if I didn't get him, he would sit in that place his whole unhappy life.
I finally went to the new PetSmart today, and its great! Open atmosphere, greater selection of toys and food, and the birds seem happier. They have mostly finches and budgies, and two quakers. All except the quakers (i think) were unclipped and flying around in their enclosures. Each cage did seem a bit small for each group of budgies, but they had nice natural wood perches and fruit out in each cage in addition to seed. They were all very active and it was so refreshing to see them flying around and not hopping from perch to perch or just sitting on the bottom.
I really regret that my baby was so severely clipped before he could fledge, but he is adventurous and likes to jump so I think he will do well when they grow out and can be clipped a bit kinder.
Also, I was being silly and couldn't find many good lolbirds, so I made some myself. Not that they're any better than what's out there already of course....
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