Thankfuls

Isn't this just wonderful? I have a 5 page paper due tomorrow at 8am, and I forgot to get the draft off the school computer. I am a moron. There are two tests tomorrow, one of which I am completely unprepared for. Completely.

Is it the last week of November already? Time to step back? Time to take stock of the things I am thankful for? Time to work off the 3 cups of coffee I've had tonight so I can wake up at 5am to type a paper? Yes.

A year ago I took a step in the right direction. It was painful, and frightening, and I failed. A year ago this week, I gave in to the fear and returned to a bad marriage. So I am thankful that this year I found the strength to do what was ultimately best for me. I knew it would pay off in the long term, but what I did not realize at the time was how good it was for me in the short term. Money might not be the root of all evil, but it is the fear of not having it that ties us to things and people who do us no good.

My first Thankful leads to my second. I allowed myself to be fooled into believing that permanent unity with one person would make me happy. Instead, I was shoved into a lonely little corner. Today, I am thankful for my friends: old and new, near and far. You keep me connected to the world. You keep me laughing. You don't keep me sane (I don't expect the impossible), but its hard to tell when I'm surrounded by such a wacky bunch of people.

Finally, as much as this semester has stressed me out, burnt me out, and turned me inside-out, I value the privilege which allows me to pursue higher education. I am thankful that I have the ability and the means to study physics. I have to keep reminding myself, in the thick of homework and papers and marathon study weekends blurring together, that I am doing this because I want to. I am living a long-held dream come true.

Which, occasionally, twists into a rather inconvenient nightmare....

The Song...

This is what happens when chatting, YouTube, and blogging converge. I really was in bed, when I got to thinking about what my favorite country music song is. I finally decided I wasn't going get to sleep until I did something about it. So, I'll be the zombie riding to school in the morning, man its late.

While Third Rock From the Sun is plenty good and funny, it isn't my favorite, and it doesn't represent the kind of country music I love. Here's Trisha Yearwood with The Song Remembers When. (lyrics here)

It was like a lighted match had been tossed into my soul
It was like a dam had broken in my heart
...
After driving out the memory
Of the way things might have been
...
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
Still I guess some things we bury
Are just bound to rise again

I also like her more recent Georgia Rain.(lyrics here) Really, almost anything she sings is wonderfully sadly sexy sentimental. I guess that's just how I am.

Barefoot in the bed of your truck
on a blanket lookin' up
half a moon peekin' down at us
from underneath the clouds.
...
I don't remember what was poundin more
the heart in my chest or the hood of that Ford
as the sky fell in and the storm clouds poured
worlds away outside

To Do List: Summer

This past week, I joined my classmates in ritualistic self-torture. We shoved the knowledge of 4 months into our poor brains, and then yesterday we sat down and turned our heads, so that the knowledge would oooozzzeee out of our ears and onto the Sacred Final. Some of it ended up on the floor.

And then I slept for 14 hours.

The results are partially in, and I have a B in Calculus 3. Physics is still pending, but I woke up this morning with my right hand representing magnetic field, current, and force, and then I realized that I mentally had the field going out of the page on the final. Fucks.

I have plans, and half a summer to get around to them.

1. Clean my house.
For real, people, this place is a general pigsty, and I have no clean socks.

2. Mega-Organizing.
Now that the cleaning is done, I'm all into giving shit away and discovering stuff I've been looking for (like socks) and re-discovering sentimental items (like underwear). That box of cables and that pile of cables and that device over there, they need to find each other. The closets aren't exactly overflowing, but its not like I can find anything in there.

3. Bird Training
Since I'm out of school for a few months, it is time to give a certain unrestrained parrot a few lessons. He's got "be adorable" and "bite me" down already. I think we'll start with "stop shitting on me" and move up to "do not chew on the laptop power cord." We'll see.

4. SCRAPBOOKING!!!!!!!
I am very excited. This will be a scrapbook for my mom, sort of a Mother's Day/Birthday gift that she has to help me with. I got this pretty paisley paper (btw I HATE paisley and this stuff is gorgeous, so there you go) and punch-out set. I still need to find a book, but I'll place the pictures and leave room for Mom to do the journaling. FUN!!

5. Speaking of books.
I plan to read this summer. Books. Novels. Space-Operas. The kind you read for fun, with no homework-related guilt. Lots of books.

6. HOoooommmmeee Home on The Range...
I'll leave for the Great State of Misery probably on the 26th of June, and return to Big Texass on the 6th or 7th of July. Becky wants to go bowling in KC for her birthday, and after that the whole trip is up in the air. Mostly there will be food, coffee, alcohol, and blowing shit up. Probably in that order.

There goes half the summer....bye-bye fun...

7. Back to School
I registered for Technical Writing in the second summer term, and then it is back to school full-time in the Fall. Four courses, two with labs....no time for sleep.

Blame Leap Day

I've just spent a few hours reading up on The World Calendar and Decimal Time, which are both ideas I very much like.

The World Calendar is great because you'll never have to buy a new wall calendar again, the same one works every single year. Your birthday or anniversary will be on the same day of the week every year. The year ends on Saturday, there's a Holiday day, and then the new year begins on Sunday. Leap Year days are between Saturday and Sunday as well. It is simple. It is tidy. I'm in love with Calendar Reform.

I ran across decimal time because i get really annoyed at time conversions in my physics homework. There's a different conversion each step of the way to from days to hours to minutes to seconds. Yes, it is pretty common sense, but why have another thing to know when we are already learning x10 prefixes for every single other unit of measurement? Dumb. Annoying. Do away with it. In reality, if that happened I know we would be forced to learn how to convert from Wacky Time to Decimal Time, thus adding complexity rather than eliminating complexity. A Geek can dream, okay? I'm willing to bet (or remember) that it is already the case that some science uses decimal time. No, I won't look it up. Who do you think I am?

Then I ran across this selection of funny clocks at Dick and Jane's Fine Woodworking. On the 4th and 5th rows are: Who Cares?, Don't Do Mornings, No Drinking Before 5, Further I Go Behinder I Get. They also have one Decimal Clock.

Snooze

You guys remember when I went on a crusade to find the perfect alarm clock? Well I am now on a crusade to find an alarm clock that has no Snooze feature. Any suggestions? (besides getting a life and doing my homework instead of distracting myself with this non-issue)

The old one works fine, except I'm tired (and tired) of snoozing for hours before getting up. I was laying in bed this morning, pondering this problem I have had since I was 8, and decided the problem was the snooze button. Tempting me with its 9 minutes of coziness. Bastard.

Oh, and my iPod has stopped working. It has this screen that says "OK to disconnect" with a big checkmark. Its never done that before, so I unplugged it from the alarm clock and expected the message to go away. Nope. I tried turning it off, holding down the button for a minute. Nothing. Still displaying that stupid message. I might try plugging it into my computer later today.

CRAP! I just remembered that I was supposed to turn in my homework by 2pm yesterday and FUCK I FORGOT! Also I don't think I picked up tomorrow's assignment. What the hell...thats a great start. Damn! aRGGGHHH!

***update***
Assignment turned in, but the professor wasn't there so I don't know if it will get graded. My fault.
I already got tomorrow's assignment, don't know why I didn't remember that.
Bought a retro-style alarm clock that has no snooze button. Its not the bell kind, and I don't know if it will be loud enough to wake me. We'll see.

Stress Much?

I just got out of Calculus. I'm pretty sure the professor took our brains out and beat them with a baseball bat and then returned them to our heads. At least that's how I remember things.

Registration for the Spring is opening up soon. Holy crap, soon. I feel like this semester is going so fast, like I'm on a treadmill going 7 miles an hour and just trying not to fall off.

Hope is still there, but I keep feeling like everything has double meaning, everything is a hint and I'm reading it wrong out of desperation. I'm tempted to delete that, but I need to say it. Damn.

I'm still not sleeping well because I keep waking up from weird dreams, but none I can remember from last night. Also, my hand hurts from hitting the wall very hard because yesterday I was awakened by Mr. Thinks He Lives In A Karaoke Bar, at 6am. SIX IN THE DAMN MORNING, PEOPLE! I've decided he isn't human.

What a Rotten Day, Listed

- Last night I was up until after midnight trying to figure out my homework. I should have started before 9pm, because I was so confused about a pretty simple concept.
-Today:
1. I spilled half a cup of coffee on myself, and the couch.
2. So I had to change into the "petite" size pants, which are too short and I look goofy in anything but sandals. This being a lab day, I had to wear solid shoes.
3. I couldn't find a spot to park in B section (commuting students) so I had to park in A (faculty).
4. So then I walk out of class to find a parking ticket, of course.
5. Lab. About the 3rd time repeating the same 2 steps (if x, then repeat) my brain aspoloded. It took 3 hours to repeat 4 times, and I still had to cork it for the weekend.
6. Review for class until 5pm. My feet hurt, and my brain is overloaded, and I still have to study. Maybe I should just type up my notes and a formula sheet. Yup, that'll be it because sleep is definitely the priority tonight.

Bright notes:
I made a nummy Mango-Banana smoothie for lunch.
Rigel is learning very quickly to move from perch to finger to perch on command. Just two ten-minute sessions of Up, Good Boy! Up, Good Boy! Up, Good Boy! and he now does it about half the time. He really likes those cherries and dried pineapple.

Mega Exam Day 2

I won't know until Monday at least, but I think i did better on the Chem problems than the last exam, but worse on the multiple choice. On the last test, I tended to put wrong numbers into my calculator, and also transcribed wrong given values. I triple-checked all my work this time, so hopefully that's under control.

Government didn't seem too great, but I'll find out tomorrow. Just any case, I caved in and did the extra credit. 2-5 Pages on a movie with a political theme, picked from a given list, due tomorrow at noon. I did 3 pages on Farenheit 451, in about 4 hours tonight. I've read the book, but never bothered with the movie. Crappy paper, but interesting movie. Its worth up to 20 points on top of my final grade.

Then I had Chem Lab in the afternoon for 3 hours. It was better than yesterday, which ran almost an hour longer. Also, I finally bought new safety goggles because the ones I got at the campus bookstore are crap-tastic.

I've also recovered from that Abs class on Monday, and I'm never doing that again. It took a capful of Tylanol Nightime cough syrup (for the nighttime pain relief, we're out of regular pills) and 9 hours sleeping with a heat pad on my hips. I woke up in less pain, and that's all that counts.

Well, goodnight.

Hurts to Type

I have somehow damaged my knuckle. The one for my pointer finger on my right hand. I cannot grasp anything, and it hurts to type. It also hurts if I forget and let it fall into whatever position to rest. I had a baggie of frozen cranberries on it to reduce the swelling, plus some OTC pain pills. I found earlier today that I can do things like pour from a pitcher of tea, as long as I lift the pointer finger and don't use it at all. Last night I thought it was something in the joint between fingers, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

The pain is probably from a combination of factors. I had a hard time supporting myself in a yoga pose on Thursday. I created a new blog and copied 75 posts on...Friday? Also, I have a bad habit of sleeping on my side with my hand under my head.

Oh, last night while Michael was playing a movie, I finished reading a Dr. Who book. It was very good. Unfortunately I ended up awake until 2:00am, and didn't wake until about 1:00pm. Not a productive weekend at all. I feel like crud.

News Brief

I didn't do well on my Calc test. 78%

In the middle of notes on Tuesday I ran out of lead. *click click click* The lead was static-clinging to the inside of the pencil. I had to finish my notes in neon-pink ink.

I've been waking up at 5am to go to the gym with Carol.

MY SEPERATIONS PAPERWORK HAS BEEN SIGNED, MY NEW DOS IS 1 JUNE!

I fell asleep after work today and woke up at 10pm because I had to do my homework. I'm going back to bed in a few minutes now.

I have bad heartburn. I have bad gas too, because of the antibiotics I'm taking for my sinus infection. Don't lie, you wanted and needed to know. I'm trying to eat more yogurt to help with that. I will be done with the medication tomorrow. I hope to breathe again soon.

Dear Paul Bunyan: You have got to be kidding me.

Thunk
rattlerattle
.
.
.
Thunk
... Thunk...

What.The.hell?

First, it is 1:30 in the morning, why in the world would you be trying to chop wood at this hour?

Second, you can buy bundles of chopped firewood at any convenience store in town. There is a Town and Country store on every streetcorner.

Third, you are a weakling fucktard and I hope you do not breed. Not because you are a weakling, but because you are trying to chop a large log in the middle of the street. Not even the parking lot, but the street.

Fourth, did I mention you are a fucktard? Because you are, and you cannot even get the axe into the wood. Oh, there you go, you got it a whole inch into the wood. And now you can't get it out. Fucktard.

I'm not going to keep counting. Mainly because I'm not quite sure if I remember how to spell fifth and there was no reason to count anyway, but also because you are a fucktard. Die now, or at least do something useful and remove your gonads with that axe. I mean, I know I can't chop wood, but if I wanted a fire I would be smart enough to go buy wood and not pick up a random piece of frozen solid log from the treeline along the highway. You know that's what you did. Don't lie.


As I watched them give up and return to their apartment building, all I could think was that I'm glad they don't live in my building and that there's a fire hydrant right outside my window.

Winter has closed her grip. Sleep tight, my friends.

Miss You

I'm going to spend the next 5 days telling you all the ways it is better when my husband is home.

He takes out the trash, because I make dinner.
He checks the mail, because I forget and the bill people don't think thats a good enough excuse.
AND he locks the door at night, because if I forget then the bad peoples might get me. *squeak*
The other night, I woke him up from his nap...
Warm and cuddly folks, warm and cuddly.
--If I hit the snooze button too many times, he will tell me, and I won't oversleep for an hour.
--Also when snoozing in the morning, he is even more warm and cuddly.

But also, there are things I can do when he's not home...
Like hanging purple curtains in the bedroom.
Or not eating out every meal, because I'm okay with easy deli sandwiches for dinner, or leftovers.
Watching tv at a reasonable volume, or *gasp* not at all!
(thats right people, I've been home since at least 6:30, and the TV has been off the whole time) --Day 2, No TV.
--I made $260 off our junk this weekend. If he was here, we would've sold it all for $50.

I have the Hiccups again

So, its 1am and I am NOT tired at all. I think I had 3 or 4 cups of coffee at IHOP about an hour ago. I'm gonna try to sleep anyway, but we'll see how that works out.

Anywhoo, we saw The Holiday tonight. It is, by far, the best movie I've seen lately. Not to say that The Fountain wasn't good, but this one made me laugh out loud, literally. That doesn't happen much.

Ohhh! Also I've noticed alot of the books I loved as a kid are being made into movies: Charlottes' Web, Bridge to Tarabithia, and How to Eat Fried Worms. We saw the preview for Bridge to Tarabithia tonight, and I'm really excited. I remember that was the first book that I cried at, or maybe it was Where the Red Fern Grows. Serious growing-up books. I read up to 10 books a week in the 6th grade, walking back and forth from the tiny public library. Because read well above my grade level I was exposed to certain mature subjects. I think it was really important in shaping me emotionally at that time, that my reading wasn't censored at all. I really regret that I havn't been able to read much in the last few years. I doubt I've read 10 books in the last year. I don't really forsee having any time to read soon either.

Bake Sale

I didn't find time to bake cookies for this week's bake sale. I'm leaving for San Antonio tomorrow, and I had to pack, do research for my paper, and some other stuff.

Sorries. I'll make them for the Harvest Feast, promise.

On the upside, the final paper is due Wednesday. She's letting me turn it in to her via email, and I'll drop off the packet on Thursday when I get back to town. Then she says its all easy street for class; some fun reading and a presentation for the paper. Okay, well I'm not excited about that, but it should be okay. There are only about 9 of us left in class now. Maybe I'll have time to read a Dean Koontz book or maybe get somewhere on the apartment hunt.

TTYL

Late-night survey

My Personality

Neuroticism	85
Extraversion	1
Openness To Experience	49
Agreeableness	31
Conscientiousness	21

You are introverted, reserved, and quiet with a preference for solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends. You can be very easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be extremely sensitive and emotional. A desire for tradition does not prevent you from trying new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual. People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising and you have less concern with others' needs than with your own. You like to live for the moment and do what feels good now. Your work tends to be careless and disorganized. You feel tense, jittery, and nervous and often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. You may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. You don't usually get angry too easily but some things can annoy you. You tend to lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. You are sensitive about what others think of you. Your concern about rejection and ridicule cause you to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. You are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Your fears that others will criticize or make fun of you are exaggerated and unrealistic, but your awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. You do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find yourself tempted to overindulge. You experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You tend not to talk much and prefer to let others control the activities of groups. You lead a moderately paced life. You like some energetic activities, but also like to relax and take it easy. You get overwhelmed by too much noise and commotion and do not like thrill-seeking activities. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits. Often you do not feel effective, and may have a sense that you are not in control of your life. In general you tend to be disorganized and scattered. You have a strong sense of duty and obligation, and feel a moral obligation to do the right thing. You are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. You have a reasonable amount of will-power and are able to follow through on tasks that you feel you need to complete. You can be distracted however and have been known to procrastinate. You often say or do the first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives.

Test Yourself Compare Yourself

Slither? Eh, no.

Robert (an uber-fan of my glorious blogs) was asking if I have, or will be, watching the new movie Slither. I try to stay away from just those sorts of films. Which one was it where the bloody things spewed out of people's butts? I swear people were crap-birthing these nasty aliens. Something about dream catchers I think. Michael remembers. Only this Slither thing looks like it really wants to be a B-Movie.

I'm still hanging out in Florida for a couple more months. I can't wait to get back to the hubby in TX. Ugh! I can't believe I want to go back to Texass.

I should really be asleep about now, in preparation for a long day walking around the Kennedy Space Center tomorrow. I'm kinda excited again, we'll see. I've spent my entire day today reading Absolution Gap, and I've only got...lets see...87 pages to go. It's been ages since it has taken me this long to read a book. I started it in January I think. I guess its just a point of pride for me to finish it before I go to bed tonight. I used to read entire 800 page novels in a day, often starting at 8am and finishing at 4am....which in my reckoning is a day since its less than 24 hours, so piss off :P

I am sitting rather awkwardly with my legs crossed and my laptop on my lap. Where else? Anyway my left foot is asleep, and I'm dreading the period of waking-up that follows. TTYL.


OK, there goes the foot....OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Grumpy

Ok, because of the coffee I didn't sleep until at least 230 this morning. I was tired and bitchy all day. Get over it. Then we were released from work early, at like 3pm. So I came back to the apartment and set my alarm for 5pm and took a nice nap. Now I have that fuzzy numb feeling from sleeping in the daytime for only a few hours. My coworker's birthday is tonight and we are all going to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner.

Since I'm waiting for it to be time for dinner, I guess I should relay my ups and downs today. Well, maybe just the downs because its kinda hard to type. In fact it's really hard to type without my right index finger, since I was taught to type correctly using home row and all that junk. I was setting down several large Dell desktops into the little electric vehicle we use for moving stuff like that. As I sat one down, I let it into a controlled slip for the last couple inches. A thin metal thingy in the back sliced a nice clean cut into my finger. Don't get me wrong, I can still type faster than most people I know :P

Lately I have had minor injuries nearly every day at work. This sucks. Two days ago the wire cart scraped my wrist just below my thumb on my right hand, so I have two bandaids on one hand. Last week, a laptop drive bay sliced clean into my left thumb just under the nail. I trip over everything, bump into things all the time, and have to prop computers up onto my thigh while picking them up. So I have bruises everywhere and my coworkers are generally sick of me.

Gah, but I'm sick of them today anyway. The one thing I want to do while stuck in Florida is visit Kennedy Space Center again. So I asked a couple people and they sounded really interested. It ended up pretty much everyone is invited, which is really cool because I don't want to go by myself. But then there's this one girl who completely takes control of it all and insists we have to go this weekend, starts hassleing everyone to agree with her even though half want to go next weekend. Then a couple people's feelings get hurt because they are basically being left out since they can't go and really want to. So finally I said I would go both weekends if they want, because I'm pretty sure I won't see everything in a single visit. It all just made me not even want to go because she was making it not fun anymore. She has to make everything a confrontation and have it all her way, she took over my fucking trip and now I don't want to go.

It doesn't help that I got 1 1/2 hours of sleep last night.

I am now extremely hungry and tired at the same time. Is it dinnertime yet?

***Update 10:19Pm
Bellyache so full shrimp angel hair pasta toblerone swisse almonde cheesecake sleepy sad for the loverman misses him please call me.
Goodnight.

Witless Computer Tech, Me.

I'm such a silly witless computer tech when it comes to home computing. If it's not work computers I just generally don't think too hard about it. So when I first got here I plugged in to see if there was a free/cheap connection, with no luck. No way I'm spending $40/month on internet. Why did I not plug in my wireless card? Because I'm not at home and I'm not in a hotel, and that's where I've ever used wireless. Also, because I'm a dork.

Yeah, so my roomie was complaining about not getting good signals in here. I thought she was talking just about cell reception, and then it dawned on me....WIRELESS YOU COMPUTER DORK! So yeah I'm mooching off nearby connections hahahah.

Long story short (ok, long story long), my roomie's standards are way too high, because for me 5.5mbps is good enough for posting on myspace. Yay Internet!

Sadly you won't be hearing from me any more often than before this, as I am being worked to death on 14 hour shifts for the next few weeks. I should be asleep right now, since I have to wake up in like 5 hours to get ready for work. I got home today and my boots where the only thing holding my feet together.

Saturn

My desktop background is now an amazing picture of Saturn.
I got it here:
http://ciclops.org/view.php?id=2230&flash=1

Sleepy now, night night.